Counseling for Gay Couples, Bi and Queer Men in San Francisco

Common Relationship Challenges

In many ways, the challenges gay, bi and queer men face in romantic relationships are much the same as any other with simple disagreements sometimes turning into heated arguments that can leave you and your partner feeling sexually or emotionally disconnected. You and your partner may also be unintentionally triggering each other's insecurities, which can cause you to become jealous, defensive or withdraw and shutdown. If left unresolved, these problems may irreparably damage your relationship.

However, in other ways the challenges can also be very different. Gay, bi and queer relationships often allow for a much more expansive view of sex and romantic intimacy than our straight counterparts. While many gay, bi and queer men prefer monogamous relationships, many others are in or exploring open or polyamorous relationships. These nontraditional relationships can be very challenging to navigate since there aren't any clear roadmaps, which can leave partners to try and figure out what works best for them and their relationship. 

Overcoming the Past, Move Forward

You and your partner may also be repeating harmful patterns you developed earlier in your lives, patterns often laced with fears of rejection and abandonment. After all, we learn what relationships look like and how to be in them from our parents or other caregivers. Unfortunately, for many gay, bi and queer men, these patterns are further complicated by the traumatic experience of having to hide a fundamental part of ourselves as children, and that trauma can amplify our attachment insecurities. All of these experiences may be contributing to the communication problems, lack of intimacy or emotional distance in your relationship. Understanding what these patterns are is an essential first step.

Feeling Seen and Heard

To change these unhelpful patterns, I will help you and your partner communicate more effectively and provide feedback and guidance along the way so you can talk to each other in a more open-hearted and non-defensive way. Learning to communicate in this way will not only help you resolve everyday disagreements more easily, but more importantly, it will allow you to address the core issues that brought you to therapy so you can restore the trust, love and intimacy in your relationship.